Still Becoming One
Still Becoming One
Sailing the Teen Tide Without Sinking Your Marital Ship
Remember when your kids were just a glimmer in your eye, and it was all about you and your partner's adventurous, romantic escapades? Fast forward through a blur of diaper changes and teen drama, and you might find your marriage playing second fiddle to the demanding orchestra of parenting. Join us as we chuckle and commiserate over the journey from child-free coupledom to navigating the choppy waters of raising teenagers without losing sight of our relationship's anchor. As the kids morph into the creatures known as teenagers, the game changes, and so must our strategies. In this episode, we swap stories and strategies for carving out quality time with your significant other, even when the teen tidal wave threatens to engulf every spare moment.
Welcome to the Still Becoming One podcast. We are Brad and Kate.
Kate Aldrich:In our more than 20 years of marriage, we've survived both dark times and experienced restoration.
Brad Aldrich:Now as a licensed marriage counselor and relationship coaches. We help couples to regain hope and joy.
Kate Aldrich:We invite you to journey with us, as we are still becoming one.
Brad Aldrich:Let's start the conversation. Hello everyone, Welcome to Still Becoming One. Yes, welcome. We're glad that you are with us again today. Mm-hmm. Yeah, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I'm going to need a little bit more.
Kate Aldrich:Halfway through my tea, but it's a good morning. But I'm a little tired. Shouldn't be, but I am.
Brad Aldrich:Yep, well, it was a good weekend, it was.
Kate Aldrich:And it's sunny here, because I always report the weather just in case you're wondering, I love sunny Sunny is good, yes. So, what shall we argue about today?
Brad Aldrich:No, no, no need no, no arguments today. Oh okay, it's a sunny nice spring day.
Kate Aldrich:People like arguments. What could we argue about?
Brad Aldrich:Who knows, we'll find out. Maybe the teenagers will make us argue again.
Kate Aldrich:Oh yes, teens.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, but. I love them, but no actually I've had quite a few comments from people about our series and everyone is kind of remarking at how easy it is for kids to just pull at your marriage and just you know, take that kind of attention. And I had somebody say, you know, just thought about it and really it's a priority thing, like we love our kids so we wanted them to have the best. But we kind of forget the priority of our marriage.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely, but it's also hard because this is a culture very centered on children. Is a culture very centered on children, you do like we are their parents, so we are supposed to be in tune with them and giving them both attunement and containment, and that's like us. We're supposed to do it, so it's. It is a intricate puzzle that you're constantly trying to balance and figure out.
Brad Aldrich:No, and in fact I was talking about attunement and containment in my groups this last week and the balancing of healthy relationships in there. And those are really, really good terms. Do you want to define them? From anyone who's like man? I have no idea what those things mean define them from anyone who's like man.
Kate Aldrich:I have no idea what those things mean. Sure, I mean. Containment is clearly just put them in a container until they're like 21 and then release them from said container Right?
Brad Aldrich:Just kidding, the pickle jar of parenting.
Kate Aldrich:Oh my gosh. My dad used to say that all the time. I don't understand that. I'm going to put you in a pickle jar. How is that going to work? It's got to be a Costco pickle jar for sure. So yeah, attunement is just being in tune with your children. So being aware when something is off, when something is exciting and you know they've had a great experience, it's not just bad things. You know your kid comes home from school excited and you're not even paying attention. That's not attunement, right.
Kate Aldrich:So, it's just being in trying to be in tune with your child and it does not always mean that you are able to figure it out Like no, in fact, I think most times you don't Right, but I think it sounds like it's not mind reading.
Kate Aldrich:Right, I think it times you don't. Right, like it's not mind reading. Right, I think it sounds like you do, but you don't. It's when you see your kiddo coming home from school or not just school, but coming from something, and they're happy, and it's like hey, bud, what's up Like, what's going on? Tell me, right, we want to know. And then the same when we see other emotions sadness or fear or anxiety. It's all the map, right?
Kate Aldrich:of just trying to understand where your kids are at and know what's going on in their lives, right?
Brad Aldrich:I think it's so important because I think it is very natural for kids to hide big emotions from their parents for a variety of reasons they don't know how to process them. They think they may be too much for their parents to handle. They think they may get in trouble for them. So a lot of times even young kids don't really say a whole lot of what's going on internally. And attunement is that process of like'm plugged in enough to know wait something, something's there well, and little kids don't have that ability.
Kate Aldrich:We have to help them grow that and stretch that like a muscle of being able to name their emotions right, like they're not gonna know. And so that's also attunement of, of helping them through that process of what are you feeling right now and like helping them figure that out, not in a pressure way, but in a way of just like it's okay. Whatever you're feeling is okay. Not always what we do with our feelings is okay. That can sometimes get us in trouble, but exactly right.
Kate Aldrich:But your feelings are okay and so, yeah, that kind of encompasses, attunement, containment is really helping our kids realize that boundaries keep us safe, both emotionally and physically, and helping them understand like we do have limits and we need to realize those limits in different environments in different spaces and you know it is sometimes the word no.
Kate Aldrich:You know, I always say to people we need our kids need containment or they'd be hit by cars, right Like, you can't play in the street. That's just not going to, it's not going to work. So it's those obvious things. But it's also helping them figure out boundaries and other things.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah. So it is teaching them to be able to say no, but it's also doing that by showing them that you can say no.
Kate Aldrich:Right, right, yeah, as parenting, we think it's only us being like this is what you can say. No, right, right, yeah. As parenting, we think it's only us being like this is what you can't do. But no, it's also teaching your kids that boundaries are good and they have the right to use them as well.
Kate Aldrich:We used to tell our kids when they were little they did not have to hug people if they did not want to, and that was something that they got to do if they wanted to, like even grandparents, as much as they love their grandparents, and I honestly can't say a time that we ever sort of attuned with them that they didn't want to. But I always watched my kids when people would say, like, can I have a hug? You can kind of see the emotions on them, and there are sometimes. I would say, why don't you give them a fist bump, bud, yep, or that makes it sound like only our boys, but our girls too. Um, because I was reading on them. I'm not comfortable doing this, but I also didn't want to make a big scene because I knew that would embarrass them, but I would diffuse it by, like, give them a fist bump or a high five and then like try to see our way out of the situation.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, they get to also have a voice, have a boundary right.
Brad Aldrich:Yep.
Brad Aldrich:And establish it, and recognize it's a good thing. So, yeah, that's that kind of idea of containment and I think probably all of you have heard of the terms of different parenting models, like authoritarian or authoritative or permissive right. All of those models are actually based on balancing containment and attunement and you need to figure out how the middle of each of those are right. Need to figure out how the middle of each of those are right. Like you can have too much containment that does not allow your kids to explore, to have you know, to basically that too much containment is. You have all the boundaries with them. You're saying no to everything.
Brad Aldrich:You don't let them figure out the world. Right, it's very rigid Right when it doesn't work. Too few boundaries right that gets to be permissive and do whatever you want, and that creates problems too.
Kate Aldrich:Well and I think it's important to evaluate yourself For every single one of us you're usually bent towards one or the other. It doesn't mean you're too much of one or the other. It doesn't mean you're too much of one or the other.
Brad Aldrich:It's just right where you're bending is.
Kate Aldrich:And and I will be honest and say that Brad and I are different in that which can cause conflict and can cause um, they and they come from our own stories.
Brad Aldrich:Right.
Kate Aldrich:That's the reality. Like the way I'm bent, the way you're bent, they come from our stories, yeah, and so, just knowing that, it's really good for you to self-evaluate well, which way do I tend to err towards Right.
Brad Aldrich:And it's the same thing with attunement. You can clearly have not enough attunement, which means you're disconnected and uninvolved with your kids, but you can actually have too much attunement where you're worried about every little thing. You're not allowing them the space to try and figure out their own emotions. You are kind of becoming the snowplow to make everything okay, so your kid is always happy. That doesn't really help a kid either, so-.
Kate Aldrich:Well, good luck, yeah, because they're not always gonna be happy, no matter what.
Brad Aldrich:So you're fighting a very oh, a losing battle for sure. But the challenge then is to how do you do enough, but not too much? And that's the thing that parents wrestle with. And we're always going to keep wrestling with that. We are. And it's important. It's really good, but it is also easy to become your total focus.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, and I think there are times that we've we've done both right. That's the thing too. There are times we've overdone attunement because our own fear, our own whatever, and there are times we've overdone containment because of our own fear, or whatever, like. It probably can be answered with a similar question, not always the similar what's leading to it.
Brad Aldrich:No, I think that's really true, and I think this kind of leads into what we're talking about, of trying to maintain and grow your marriage while you have preteens and teens in your house. Right Like these elements become super important.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, it's fun, guys. I actually think teenagers are the most fun. We enjoyed every stage. I mean, some stages were not our strongest suit. I, you know, went to college to basically work with teenagers and I think they're just such an incredible group of humans and I think they get a bad rap a lot of the time. Granted, this is when they are given more freedoms, and so also with that comes some choices that you're like, okay, that was, that was not the best choice, um, but every teen is going to do that, and so I'm not saying it's fun or easy, cause it's not. However, it's a very unique stage and I think when we believe in our teens, it can actually go a lot more smoothly than we hear about in society.
Brad Aldrich:I think there are two mistakes that parents tend to make in dealing with teens, and both of them are honestly forgetting the goal of parenting. Right, because when you're in toddler stage, when you're in even school age stage, your goal is like how do I help them survive? Right, how do I get through the day? Sometimes, and it just becomes very day-to-day focused. And the ultimate goal of parenting is to take a 100% dependent, adorable little baby and create an independent adult in 18 years. And not too soon.
Brad Aldrich:Right and not too soon and not too late. Right, and so that's the challenge, and not too late, right and so that's the challenge, but I think most of the time that's where the problem goes. Is you trying to? Maintain control when you should be teaching them how to spread their wings, or you're letting go of control before they're ready and they're trying to get into all kinds of stuff that they don't really know how to deal with.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah.
Brad Aldrich:So that's the parenting challenge that I think you have. That especially comes out during teenage world, because teens are, by design, trying to figure out themselves. They're trying to figure out who am I, what am I about, what am I doing, why do I exist? These are all the deep questions they're starting to answer, and they are no longer getting those answers only from you.
Kate Aldrich:Well and they're trying to spread their wings from you. They want to know who they are outside of you, but they still want you to need you. They may say they don't want you, but they need you to be a place that they can come back and land when that flops, Because inevitably, sometimes it will.
Kate Aldrich:And sometimes they'll do fantastically. So, yeah, it's a really unique time. But I think it's so important to talk about like how does that time impact our marriages? And I think you know we've thought about like, because we're definitely in this stage Like this is our current stage. This is young adult, yeah, we have two young adults and two teenagers. Young adult yeah, we have two young adults and two teenagers. So we're we're three years from exiting teenagers by like by like high school, because they will still sometimes be teenage years, but um yeah, and it's definitely a unique time.
Kate Aldrich:I think it's been a fun time in that there is more freedom. They they can be left at home for a couple hours while you go on a date night Like there's that.
Brad Aldrich:I think that's one of the best parts for marriage is that your kids can be more independent, and you should be taking advantage of that and going. Oh, you know, mom and I are going out for a couple of hours. No, you can't come and you know, you just have to stay here and entertain yourself and that's okay, right, Like and allowing them the space to try and figure out some of that, and you get the benefit of like. Oh, we get a couple of hours by ourselves.
Kate Aldrich:Well, and one of the things that I think also with that is we kind of talked about it last time of activities. Now this can change if your kids are driving, but I think this time can be, because I don't think it's been us necessarily can be up, can still with like kids activities.
Brad Aldrich:Oh my gosh, I hear parents, you know, like four nights a week at the ball field and, you know, running a kid back and forth, and if you have several kids in this stage, like they're- always exactly at things but it's not.
Kate Aldrich:Um, you know, and it may not be, they're driving themselves, but you want to go to all of their things. I would encourage you to think through that's a really great thing. I know we don't want our kids to feel like we don't want to be at their things. That's not what Brad and I are saying here. But when it's kid-centered, you're making those decisions based on your kids, not marriage-centered of okay, we're going to take this time once a week and even if there's a game or an activity, we're not going to do it Like we're going to do our marriage thing or whatever. And of course, you could change it every week if that's how you're intentional, because you want to look at the schedule and see, totally.
Brad Aldrich:But I think a lot of times this is a stage where that all goes by the wayside because your kids are doing tons of things, which is awesome. I think one of the best things that you did for our family at this stage was getting us all to sit around with a great big calendar and go through our week and not just us. I think the temptation because we had actually been doing that us for a while and we finally got a kid who had like a work schedule and another kid was sports schedule.
Kate Aldrich:We got to this stage where it was just too much yeah.
Brad Aldrich:So we were like okay, now we're all coming to this kitchen table and we're all talking about what's going on in our week and the amazing thing happened is our kids started to get empathy for us being pulled in multiple directions right so instead of them going like, oh well, why can't you pick me up at such and such a time? They were like they were actually going. No, no, it's okay, I'll, you know, make sure I get a ride, or I understand that you can't come to my game, that or my meet that time right, because I know you're doing this right.
Brad Aldrich:Like so, they started to see the schedule challenge and we also got to like put date night on the calendar and go. This is an important thing for mom and dad and you know, teaching all of those aspects as well.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, and I think that was really effective. It was. I will. We always try to be honest. It was. It was hard for our one adopted kiddo who came from a very different family and lived with a very different family for a long time.
Kate Aldrich:That didn't really help that one, but the other three it was really helpful with, and one of the things that we came up with I'll just tell you so it will jog your like thought process. Not prescribing you have to do this, but mainly when our kids were in sports at school, we attended and made it like a priority. We attended all. One of us hopefully two of us attended all of their home games because we live very close to the school, so that was just so easily accessible to us. And then, if there were, there are a couple of local schools that are also really close to us so we would try to make it to those but we did not do a lot of their away games and that gave us. We just told them we will make it to all your home games. Right, tell them what's inside the boundary.
Kate Aldrich:What we said last week don't always focus on what's outside and we just said we are going to make it a priority to come to all of your home games and but we there there may be quite a few away games we don't make it to and that just became kind of the standard and I know for some people. That might rub you a little wrong. I hear you, but the thing is they knew they had siblings and things. They knew our marriage was important. We also work to provide for them like it just is.
Kate Aldrich:It's also teaching them like there are other things to that go into these decisions and it's just not so simple as everybody come to all of my stuff. Obviously we were never missing something huge, big like we would change date nights for that in a in a hot second. Guys, it's not that it's relationship first, but if it's just normal then yeah.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely.
Kate Aldrich:So just kind of thinking about your time with that and how it could be different, and trying to see that your teen years can actually be a time that you guys get some more time together.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, and so important, but you're going to have to work for it, right. You're going to actually have to think about creating that time, because it's not going to happen automatically.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely, because it's not going to happen automatically.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely, and we were kind of joking creating this time it brings up this issue of sneaking around.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, sneaking around, do you mean us or them?
Brad Aldrich:I'm not meaning them.
Kate Aldrich:You're not meaning them, you're meaning us.
Brad Aldrich:I'm meaning us right?
Kate Aldrich:Well, yes, that does get more complicated as the kids get older.
Brad Aldrich:They're very aware of all aspects of your relationship back when, when our kids were in elementary school, like you know, that kind of stuff was easy to sneak around.
Kate Aldrich:We would be like okay, mom and dad are going to take a nap right, and we did not use that term because my parents used that term we would just say like go watch a tv show and we're, we'll be back in, a little like we would just slide about it yeah, go, and it just was never a big deal yeah but then, once they get to be teenagers, after we've had more conversations with them, like having more talks with them, they were very aware, and I mean we didn't.
Kate Aldrich:They didn't really say that, but you know you know, where right. So it's like okay, how? So? We did have to restructure that to some like what did our our sexual intimacy time? Like what were the boundaries we needed around it so we weren't embarrassing them like not, obviously there would be nothing that they would see, anything like that. But you have to think about when they're around. You know just all of that.
Brad Aldrich:You have to think of it differently. You do, you just do, you absolutely do, and this is honestly the time that I see a lot of couples going okay, we're going to have to schedule things in order to actually make this work.
Kate Aldrich:But there's also the principle that we started really like in elementary school years with us and we probably should have mentioned it on that episode. But, hey, bonus, the whole thing of like we tend to, and have for years spent Saturday mornings in our room. Like we get up, we sleep in a little bit, we like that, we take like an hour to two hours in our room, we do not leave and our kids are used to it. Then we get up and we enjoy the rest of the day with our family. But because that time has become something that we've just always set as what we do, they may, as teenagers, now know that that could be a part of it, but it's also just a normal right so we don't have to sneak away it's not a hiding thing, right yeah, we're just like.
Kate Aldrich:This is our time. We enjoy just laying there together and talking and all and all the things, guys. But but just make these things normal in your household so it's not so weird.
Brad Aldrich:Right and I think going and hanging out in your room, being there as a place that you relax. So, it's not like the only time that you're going to your room is having sex is probably an important thing at this stage.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, yeah, yeah, no 100%.
Brad Aldrich:So it's something to start thinking about and establishing more communication about, and really being good about sneaking around. You know, this is also we kind of joke, like in elementary school time you have code words. Well, in high school time or teenage time you can't have code words anymore. They figure out code words.
Kate Aldrich:So this is where you can, though, because you and I had code text this is right.
Brad Aldrich:You then you'd code text something else.
Kate Aldrich:I think we did that for a while, but I heard that somewhere pick some stupid random emoji that they would never like. If they picked up your phone, they would never never know what it meant.
Brad Aldrich:Right, so this is not the.
Kate Aldrich:What.
Brad Aldrich:This is not the eggplant emoji time.
Kate Aldrich:Oh, oh, oh, geez, okay, yes, just something random that you two understand. That's what that means, and yeah, I mean communicate that way.
Brad Aldrich:Right, right Worked, yep, definitely worked, definitely worked. So we talked about kind of time issues and the importance of sneaking around. I think one of the challenges that happen in teenage world is your kids get really good at kind of knowing which parent they need to go to.
Kate Aldrich:For different things. There's probably some things they need to go to For different things. There's probably some things they come to you for and some things they come to me for. Oh, I'm sure.
Brad Aldrich:I am 100% sure they do, that they ask permission of this to me and that kind of stuff. We have one kid who will only ever ask me to watch TV.
Kate Aldrich:Wow, because they know there's a chance that I might say yes. What kid is that? I don't even know. I'll get you off the TV after the podcast.
Brad Aldrich:Wait a second, Like I think there's just a reality of oh, now I know the light bulb went on. Because they know your automatic answer, for good reason, is probably going to be no, and I at least might entertain it. I'm not a big TV person, so you know, there's different things that they do, and some of that is fine. It really can be, there's nothing wrong with that. The challenge is when they start pitting the two of you against each other.
Kate Aldrich:It's happened. I feel like it didn't happen a ton. Not that our kids are perfect guys.
Brad Aldrich:That's not what I'm saying, no-transcript talking about, and then you know that's going to happen, and so then you actually punish the fact of you went and tried to get another answer, it doesn't matter, right, and you let them know that that's not okay. I mean, we did that pretty early.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, I wouldn't say we punished. I think we usually. Just it was a strong talking to you, don't do that. If you got an answer from one of us, that means both of us are saying that answer. Now, there have been times, I think, that sometimes they're asking both of us and we have different thoughts, different opinions, different ideas of what should happen. And because again we're talking about that attunement and containment with teenagers, like you usually are bent towards one, and Brad and I are both bent different directions.
Kate Aldrich:So there are times we've had to look at each other. First of all, it's okay for your kids to see you somewhat try to figure it out in front of them. It's literally okay. But there are sometimes we realize more needs to happen, we need to have more of a conversation. So we say dad and I are going to talk about this further and we will get back to you.
Brad Aldrich:Well, and we're probably going to get some flack for this, but, um, we actually allowed our kids to respectfully disagree with us and ask us to reconsider, and it only happened a few times. But we taught them like, if we make a decision and you feel like it, it really is the wrong decision, not in the moment. You can't, you know, argue in the moment, but if you want to come back to it later, and say, I really want to discuss this further so that you can fully understand my thoughts and.
Brad Aldrich:I can understand yours, and they can do that in a respectful way.
Kate Aldrich:We always welcomed that and I'm gonna be a little transparent here. I'm not sure our kids felt like it was always welcomed probably not, but we did say it was, we did communicate to like, hey, if you and if you want to come back to that, it might just be me and my parenting style Like I don't think they always thought that was a potential, but I do think we wanted them to have the space to and we always told them you do not have to like what we've decided.
Kate Aldrich:We are not requiring you to like it, but we do expect you to stay within whatever we're asking. Yeah, so we're not expecting you to put on a happy face. We understand. Sometimes the answer is absolutely not what you were hoping for.
Brad Aldrich:But I do remember when one of our kids got a job that was going to require him to work later hours than was our original rule. Oh for, like curfew we had first said no and then he did come back and had a reasonable discussion about it and we did end up changing that rule for that for that kid.
Brad Aldrich:So like it did happen on occasion, but it took, you know, a conversation, and so I I do think there's that place where we, when we say no, splitting like we're actually teaching them how do you do it Well, rather than going. Well, mom said no, so I'm going to go try and get dad. That's not well, it's okay. Think about your, your argument, think about what you're really trying, think about you know why you really want to go to that party and maybe come back to us and have a reasonable conversation. So we're teaching them how to actually have healthy arguments, not just shutting them down.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, yeah, that's the goal for sure.
Brad Aldrich:I think most of the time when kids are splitting one parent against the other, it is because they're trying to get their way in unhealthy ways.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, yeah.
Brad Aldrich:So, but it is one of those things to be really cautious of. As a couple right Like that, we learn to be really quick to go. You know we're going to have to talk about that together, or you know what did your mom say? Or you know any of those kind of things, because it happens.
Kate Aldrich:It always happens. I think it's important to for just parenting in general to remember that it should always be this way. But this is the stage, especially, that your kids need you to be able to admit when you've done something not great, or to ask forgiveness or right, because we are going to do things not right. There is no perfect parent. No matter how hard we try, we are broken people. But what chain truly changes things is repair, and we need to remember, as they're becoming adults, we want them to be able to repair well, so we've got to show them, we've got to model it.
Kate Aldrich:When we did something not right, we lost our cool.
Kate Aldrich:We thought we, you know, something was whatever, too much like. We need to be able to go back to them. And you know, I recently did that with our two oldest boys and it was something that happened years ago, but I just felt God continuing to put it on my heart and I just had them both with me for a time, which is rare these days, and I just said you know I didn't do that well and I'm really sorry and I was really selfish in that moment and I know it was super hurtful. And the reason I know it was super hurtful is because both boys felt like they needed to take care of me afterwards and not take care of me because I was sick. Guys, take care of my emotions, because my emotions were too much like. They literally were me now acting like a teenager almost, and you guys as teens like, make me feel better. We've all done it and. But you know, I went back to them, said I'm really sorry, it was just, it was over the top and we need to model that to our kids.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, no, repair is an incredibly powerful tool that I think we don't use enough in relationships. And we don't use it enough in relationships because we were never taught it, and so it's your job as parents to teach it, and that happens by your kids seeing you repair with each other, right, like if everyone always worries about arguing in front of their kids. Well, invariably it's going to happen at times. The challenge is how do you repair in front of your kids?
Brad Aldrich:Right how do you like? Let them see you working it out because you love each other and at the same thing. It's exactly what Kate was talking about. How do you come back and went? Man, my reaction to X was not probably right, so we're going to amend. No, I'm not going to ground you for 90 days. You're going to be grounded for a week.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, this situation wasn't something they had done, it was, it was me. But yes, I, I realized it could happen with discipline as well. Place right, yeah.
Brad Aldrich:And you kind of going. You know what? I was really upset and I recognize it was not measured wasn't measured right. And coming back and having reasonable conversations. I think you know parents worry that that's going to make them look weak. I think it actually does the opposite it makes them look human and allows your kids to connect with you.
Kate Aldrich:And remember. Your kids are going to say it's okay, mom, because that's what they do and it's important to remind them. No, it's not okay. That's why I'm coming and repairing and apologizing. But I appreciate your kindness towards me. But, right, like they're loyal and they're going to say it's okay, but we need to remind them. No, that's why we repair, because the Holy Spirit reminds us something wasn't okay.
Brad Aldrich:And yeah, that's good. So, yeah, these are really amazing special times and I I too. You know teenage time is challenging, but it is this space? Where you get to see them start to flourish you start to see their personality come out and you get to see, you know, how god's going to use them in the future, which is a lot they're, they're becoming more of who God intended them to be and you know, yeah, it's just an amazing time.
Kate Aldrich:It's also scary because you know they're making like we have two that we'll talk about it next time, but they're making adult decisions, and so it's like it's also hard. As parents, you want to see your kids do well.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, so you know, enjoy.
Speaker 3:I hope you have fun, yeah, no, enjoy it Like really make sure you're having fun too.
Brad Aldrich:Right Like this stage should not just all be about hard and structure and all that kind of stuff. It should be still creating space for fun. Yeah, absolutely so. Well, that's all we're going to get into on this episode of Still Becoming One. Until next time, I'm Brad Aldrich.
Kate Aldrich:I'm Kate Aldrich. Be kind and take care of each other.
Brad Aldrich:Still Becoming One is a production of Aldrich Ministries. For more information about Brad and Kate's coaching ministry courses and speaking opportunities, you can find us at aldrichministriescom For podcast show notes and links to resources in all of our social media. Be sure to visit us at stillbecomingonecom and don't forget to like this episode wherever you get your podcasts. And be sure to follow us to continue your journey on Still Becoming One.