Still Becoming One
Still Becoming One
Beyond Roommates: Reconnecting in Marriage
Brad and Kate explore how married couples can drift into feeling like roommates or business partners when they neglect emotional connection and intimacy. They discuss how busyness, misinterpreting intentions, and focusing solely on logistics create distance in relationships. Then offer some practical tools, including their own book of questions, as a path back toward intimacy.
You can find the Questions for Couples book on Amazon or at aldrichministries.com/resources.
Welcome to the Still Becoming One podcast. We are Brad and Kate.
Kate Aldrich:In our more than 20 years of marriage, we've survived both dark times and experienced restoration.
Brad Aldrich:Now as a licensed marriage counselor and relationship coaches. We help couples to regain hope and joy.
Kate Aldrich:We invite you to journey with us, as we are Still Becoming One.
Brad Aldrich:Let's start the conversation. Hello everyone, Welcome back to Still Becoming One.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, welcome back. It's Monday morning.
Brad Aldrich:Yes, it is, and we're glad to be here.
Kate Aldrich:This is a crazy week.
Brad Aldrich:It is. It is another crazy week in our household.
Kate Aldrich:Yes, let's just talk about May.
Brad Aldrich:May A little bit. Well, thank goodness it's not May anymore.
Kate Aldrich:Right, but we just Guys. I just thought about that. I was like, oh yeah, it's actually June, it still feels like a continuation of May, though it is a continuation of May.
Kate Aldrich:The month of May is just. I don't think I ever looked at it that way until my good friend Jen Hatmaker. I consider her a friend. She may not consider me a friend, doesn't even know who I am, but that's not the point. She always talks about the madness of May and I think I never really recognized it until now. And of course, ours continues into the first week of June. We have our middle daughter graduating from high school this week.
Kate Aldrich:Our oldest will be home for the graduation, is moving towards being a missionary, so we're hosting a dinner for him. Like, it's just like.
Brad Aldrich:There's just all the things going on and I think May I don't know if I realized it too too much, you know before having a little bit older kids, but there's just a million end of a year activities. Like it seems like there's so many things that it's like, oh yeah, okay, we have to do this and we have to do this, and it's just all these things that get added into a schedule.
Kate Aldrich:It's almost worse than the paperwork and bustle of the beginning of the year, are you sure? Yes, Well, okay, let me say it this way Because we started when our kids were in high school with forms. We started saying fill out what you can fill out and we'll help you with the rest, to the point where, when they were seniors, they basically can fill out the whole form and just need our signature, because eventually they're going to have to fill out forms themselves.
Kate Aldrich:That's why we kind of moved that direction. So I can say that, because we only have high schoolers, maybe if you have littles where you have to fill out all the forms, maybe it seems equal. But this time for us, just with everything, just seems like a lot. I don't know.
Brad Aldrich:More so than the beginning. There's specialty events, there's things that you're supposed to be doing, going to for senior class things. There's just a lot.
Kate Aldrich:It doesn't help that we have a senior, although we are glad to do it all. I mean, that brings a whole nother host of things. In fact, jen Hatmaker said I forget how she said it, but she said if you have one graduating, well, that's just even more right. Yes, yeah, and that's the fun, like it's all the last, so you don't want to miss any of those by any means, but it's also a lot more than we're used to having on our schedule, yep.
Brad Aldrich:So through the course of May we caught up on our backlog of recordings because we sometimes try to record a little bit of ahead, record a little bit of a head, and we very much caught up to the point where we didn't post last week because we just were not even in town for part of that week when we would have recorded and several times it just didn't happen.
Kate Aldrich:Let's do it tonight, let's do it, and then it just never happened.
Brad Aldrich:So yeah, here we are catching up and we're glad to be adding some more to the calendar soon here that we'll hopefully catch ourselves up as we go into summer.
Kate Aldrich:I feel like after this weekend dare I say it it's like normal summer schedule. We have some vacations, some things like that, but I don't think we specifically have any events until we have everybody returning to college or one going to college for the first time. So August, of course, will be interesting. But yeah, it feels like after this weekend things will calm a little bit. We'll see if that's actually true or not.
Brad Aldrich:But anyways, we also threw in there. This weekend we did a marriage conference that we were really grateful to be a part of. We just called it the Still Becoming.
Kate Aldrich:One Be a part of we, were it Not to make that sound like but to make it sound like there was a conglomerate, it was just Brad and I.
Brad Aldrich:Yes, but we had a lot of fun and we just called it the Still Becoming One conference and workshop.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, it was hosted at our home church, which they're just amazing in how they've surrounded us and yeah, so we hope to get that out to you.
Brad Aldrich:We do. Yeah, our goal, we just did it. So this may take a little while, but we did get to video record it, just did it. So this may take a little while, but we did get to video record it. So we're going to work on that and hopefully get it up as a resource that other people can take advantage of too. So absolutely that will be a summer project and hopefully um get up not too long yeah, yeah, yep, lots of summer projects.
Kate Aldrich:Okay, now it's starting to make the summer sound let's just not let's just not talk about it. But yeah, it was fun to be with the couples who came out. They were a really fun audience and it was a good time for sure, it definitely was so so that ushered out may, even though I keep thinking it's may yep so yeah, so we're actually, I think, talking about something that can come out of this kind of busyness.
Kate Aldrich:It's a dynamic that we end up hearing really quite frequently from couples that we work with is this idea of we just feel like roommates or business partners or we can function together but, there's not much there well, and I think the way it's often described to me and I don't necessarily attribute it to the roommate's term is we function well with like schedules, getting the kids where they need to go if you don't have a grocery list, the pickup schedule like we function in every other area, except when it it takes vulnerability and intimacy.
Kate Aldrich:then we struggle and I'll be honest, I'm interested in talking about this today because Brad and I just kind of chatted for a few minutes before, because we know you guys like to hear all the things we come up with, but, like when we were struggling, that was not the case like no, we did? We argued and it sounds volatile. It wasn't volatile by any means, but like when, when we were struggling with vulnerability and intimacy and all of those things, like I felt like we struggled in every area.
Brad Aldrich:I would agree. If that makes sense I would agree and I want to say I don't think we ran into this specifically because we were intentional, because we were trying, over the course of our marriage, to continue to work towards each other, but at the same time, I can absolutely see how this could occur.
Kate Aldrich:That's interesting. You think that's? Let's stop there for a minute. You think that it's intentionality? I thought it was because we're so good at being irritated on many levels or I am, at least, I'll self-admit.
Brad Aldrich:I think you oh how am I going to say this? No, I think you do have this place where, when something is not going right, you have a need to work on it, like there is a place where, when there is a disconnect between us, it's something that does impact you.
Kate Aldrich:I think what you're trying to say is it tends to trickle into every area. Yeah, but I don't think so anymore Because we've had lots of challenges in our life that I'm able to compartmentalize now, but I think in my younger years not knowing my story I was not and I think about not even you it fed into everything, like if I was struggling with you then I was just struggling in general. I think I've gotten a lot better.
Brad Aldrich:I would agree.
Kate Aldrich:But we are talking about that time, not now for us, although we can talk about the contrast. So I think for me, even when we're dealing with the kids or we're dealing with the grocery or whatever, I am kind of sadly. I was just irritable about everything. Like everything you said kind of had a. This makes me sound awful.
Brad Aldrich:No, it's not just you, and this is where I wanted to go, like this is where I can see the other side. I said you kind of are giving, I think, part of the answer here of intentionality, but I can see, you know, throughout the day you're doing, you're working, you're often both working and then you come home and you're focused on the kids and you're doing homework and you're doing all those things. And then by the end of the night you crash one.
Brad Aldrich:You know one person crashes often this I hear this often is one person gets up really early, so they have to go to bed early.
Brad Aldrich:So just by the time we're getting the kids in bed, they're getting ready for bed and I stay up later, and it's that kind of dynamic. And so then you just don't take any time together, and so then even your relaxed time, your downtime, is separate. You're not really communicating anything other than about the details of the week and the kids, and we've definitely had those periods in our life. I think most of those periods for us happened at times where we were really trying to be intentional about coming together and and creating space, that that wasn't all there was. So I think that's how we got through some of this. But when I talk to couples that wrestle with this, it is just this formula of they haven't really had any real time together, or and I think this is an important or when they do have time together or and I think this is an important or when they do have time together, they kind of end up talking about the kids or bickering and just kind of like.
Brad Aldrich:I I kind of mean that like argument, but not really argument of like oh, I thought you were going to do that. Now you know, it's just that kind of blah.
Kate Aldrich:Which I think is what I was. That's a good word for what I was saying earlier.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah.
Brad Aldrich:And that's it right. And so then both of them leave those times and going see the other person doesn't care, like it almost reinforces this thing of they don't actually care about me. All they do is you know, we function together, yeah.
Brad Aldrich:And when you add all the different types of intimacy in together in that formula, that all are lacking you know there really is not a whole lot of emotional intimacy in that space. There is often a quite lack of emotional intimacy. In that space there is often a quite lack of sexual intimacy in that space, like I think, everyone ends up feeling just like they're living together in the same space. But what's really the point?
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, hmm, I wonder too if that's probably where the thoughts come in or maybe, maybe not of, like, I married the wrong person.
Brad Aldrich:Oh yeah, like we were talking about the other week.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, maybe I feel like that can come in too, but maybe not, Because I know when I work with couples and they say we do all of these other things really well, we just don't do this.
Brad Aldrich:I think it does get to be this thing of like they don't actually care about me.
Kate Aldrich:They just it's a slower eroder yeah that even makes sense like eroding the foundation whereas when it's very volatile.
Brad Aldrich:You're all upset and all the areas that's gonna chip away at it chunks of it a lot quicker yeah, I I will say like I think I'm used to hearing this from guys who have said it, sometimes almost very directly in we used to be so close and connected and emotional connected, and now I feel like she gets all of her emotional connection from the kids and she doesn't need me anymore.
Kate Aldrich:Hmm, but that's and I hear that but that's limiting it to only people with kids.
Brad Aldrich:A hundred percent, but I do think that's where more of this can happen. I would say I can see the same thing happening with somebody who is very invested in their work, doing almost workaholism level of kind of idea of like that's all their life is. I think that could happen.
Kate Aldrich:Honestly, it is very intriguing to me. What does create this in couples? I just thinking about it like I don't know. I always go to story because to me, where do we switch from and you know you mentioned the kids and that does kind of's, obviously, couples without kids and this can become a dynamic but where do we switch from being excited, content? We got married and now we're it doesn't feel that way anymore.
Brad Aldrich:Right. It doesn't feel connected. It doesn't feel celebrated?
Kate Aldrich:I don't know.
Brad Aldrich:Or even close yeah.
Kate Aldrich:And I mean, of course, some marriages start that way, let's be honest. They're not necessarily honest with themselves before they start, Sure, but then there are plenty that becomes disillusioned and they're like what happened? Where are we? Why is it like this? And I'm just kind of curious of how do we think that slide starts?
Brad Aldrich:I mean, I do think it is a drift right.
Kate Aldrich:It is not. That's why I said a slide, it's not a jump.
Brad Aldrich:It's not a jump, it is this slow thing where it just incrementally goes space by space, where people aren't actually engaging each other right. Intimacy requires time and vulnerability.
Kate Aldrich:And trust.
Brad Aldrich:Right, yeah. And so there's this place where, if that stuff isn't happening, then it's really easy for that friendship, closeness, dynamic to just kind of not be there. And then all of a sudden you start going well, I would share this funny thing that happened with this person, but they don't really care, so I won't right like it's now, we're just kind of holding back things and I think that kind of can really build on this drift apart from each other yeah, yeah, that's interesting and we've even said we realize that is a yellow flag.
Brad Aldrich:Yes, a hundred percent.
Kate Aldrich:Maybe not the funny stories with people although I like to share all the funny stories Brad gets to listen to all of them but more like this happened with our kiddo, or this happened with whatever you know work or our parents or whatever and it's been a week and I haven't had an opportunity to tell you yet yeah right and it's yeah, so that's a yellow flag for us of like oh, we need to find some time to connect because we've clearly been so busy, because you and I really are intentional yeah well about sharing all the things and I keep sharing this statistic that has been around for a while, of that couples, when they're first dating they often are are spending about 20 minutes a week
Kate Aldrich:in intensive conversation beyond like schedule conversation. I think you should check that out sometime and see if that's changed. I bet with phones it's probably even less.
Brad Aldrich:Even less, yeah, Because yeah, and it is this thing that it takes time and belief that the other person wants it to the connection, to have that kind of connection, and I think that's one of the things that happens. I've seen this. It's like, you know, the one person will go no, I'd really like to connect with my spouse, but you know what, I came out after putting the kids to bed and they were doing something, so then I started doing something and they just went to bed, right, and it's just this place of continually missing each other.
Kate Aldrich:Sure yeah. So what do we do with this?
Brad Aldrich:I mean, I think the first thing is to recognize the drift. Sure.
Brad Aldrich:Call it out of what it is and recognize it's going to take some time to drift back together, right Like it's going to take work to get back. It's not going to be a jump and a leap of like okay, we're going to do this weekend thing and everything's going to be perfect. But if you can start call it out for what it is and start to go, hey, you know what, let's work on rebuilding, let's work on re-getting to know each other, then I think there is this place that you can work towards each other.
Kate Aldrich:Do you and I don't? This obviously isn't about us, but like I feel, when you've gotten to a place with us, with our comfort level and how we watch those yellow flags so carefully, it is just hanging out. Connect Like it doesn't take as much work for us. I agree, would you? Agree.
Brad Aldrich:No, I totally agree because and I think this is the difference- Okay. If we have something planned where even we've said, hey, we're going to spend time together and then something comes up that I have to go do that for 30 minutes and I come out of that and I see you doing something. I'm not immediately assuming. Oh, kate doesn't want to spend any time with me because she's mad that I had to do something.
Brad Aldrich:Right like there's this assumption that's there that that happens and it just erodes further. I think we've gotten to the place of just going oh hey, I'm ready when you are. Let's you know that we're on each other's team and knowing that. You know, if something pulled at our time together, it was legitimate, and you know it's not that we wanted it to. It just did, and so then we're going to work on coming back together.
Kate Aldrich:We're over communicators, which isn't a bad thing, I mean, especially if you find me doing a chore, I'm willing to stop immediately, so don't feel like you can't say anything. But I hear what you're saying. But I also think sometimes those things are used for certain couples to avoid.
Brad Aldrich:Absolutely Like the other day and I could like. This wasn't anything, but I could see it become one of. I was walking around doing some chores with my headphones on listening to a podcast and I think there were a few times that you tried to like talk to me.
Kate Aldrich:Well, let's be honest, let's hold that thought. I would talk to Brad nonstop. I'm actually not a talker, but poor Brad, because I love him so much he gets it all. I just love being around him, we work together and I just love to chat and tell him the thoughts in my head. He's probably like I don't need to know everything, but I do sometimes, but I've. I've worked really hard on it the last year because you have said with your ADHD it can really like keep you from getting things done.
Kate Aldrich:Now you're doing chores, so that's not as big of a deal, but I have really worked hard on not coming into your office unless I really need to like all of these things. So I have worked on it, friends um, but I think sometimes, yes, I have worked on it, friends. But I think sometimes, yes, I have a thought and I'm like, oh, he has his headphones on, that's not.
Brad Aldrich:But here's the thing Like there were a couple of times I recognized you were trying to talk to me, I have noise canceling headphones on with a podcast playing, so then I'm like looking for my phone to pause the podcast, to take my headphones off and go. What? Right, which I know from my phone to pause the podcast, to take my headphones off and go. What right, which I know? What, though? Uh-huh right that I was exactly going there like that didn't sound super inviting.
Brad Aldrich:You could so easily interpret that. What of you're now disrupting me, you're annoying me, you're annoying me and, and, like I, all I'm doing is saying that time could so easily set off these things and just feel like people don't really want to be around you. I think you and I both know better and we know each other well enough to know that was something totally different, and we even talked about the podcast I was listening to later and you know some of those kind of things that brings it back together.
Brad Aldrich:But those unspoken expectations versus hurts, I think, is a big contributor to this. Just feeling like the other person doesn't care, they're just a roommate, we're just along for the ride together.
Kate Aldrich:Sure, yes, we read so much into how things are said that it makes complete sense. I mean, should we mention that? I probably had my noise canceling headphones on too, but I'm still trying to talk to you. Truth, wait. Funny story Last night Brad's hearing this for the first time on air guys. Last night our daughter, who's graduating, came home from work and I was just being silly with her, which is just how I do life. And funny thing I said I'm going to go. We were all going to get in our hot tub, so I was going to go change and went into the bedroom and apparently I didn't even think about it. I continued to be silly by myself in the bedroom and she came around the corner and she goes. You really do do that by yourself don't you.
Kate Aldrich:And I said yeah, why? And she goes. Sometimes I do wonder if you just do it for us, but apparently not. I was like nope, I kept singing some song and I was like singing it to myself. So, guys, this is me all the time.
Brad Aldrich:Yes, for sure.
Kate Aldrich:I do try to listen, though when people are like it's a little much right now, I try to tone it down.
Brad Aldrich:But yeah, you like to have fun, and there's nothing wrong with having fun.
Kate Aldrich:True, but I've learned with all of my teenagers, young adults, sometimes they're not in a space where they want to have fun with mom, and it's OK for them to say it's much right now, mom. So, but anyways, back to our subject that could help you, if you're just funny all the time. I do think right like this is one.
Brad Aldrich:No, I I'm agreeing with you because I think sometimes people automatically go to the deep emotional places when they're feeling this distance. And yes, yes, I think there are things that need to be talked about in that. But I do think just sometimes having fun together develop some of that more communication and safety and like those kind of things too. So I actually I think there's a combination here of sometimes light and fun and funny and sometimes deeper and more connected and emotional.
Kate Aldrich:Obviously I'm a big proponent of that. But I love that you're bringing it up because and I know it's hard, because that's actually vulnerable too to just be light and fun when things don't feel that way. But we encourage a lot of couples like connect on something that isn't a big deal. Connect on, you know, like, and. And that's why, you know, brad, we created this questions for couples book, because often we're telling couples when we meet with them how about if you just have some time where you just connect over meaningless, potentially silly like that? It doesn't have to be, but you know, just questions that aren't about all the hard things in life.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah.
Kate Aldrich:There's a time and a place for those, and I love those too. I love going deep and hearing what people think. In fact, when we did our, when we were doing our workshop this weekend, we asked some people some questions from our book and I just love knowing why the people thought that like. It's just so interesting to me and that's the goal.
Brad Aldrich:so, yeah, kate and I did, after working with so many couples that find themselves in this space, we sat down and created a book of questions for couples to go through, and we have hundreds of questions that are just designed to get the two of you talking and be able to just rediscover some of that connection and intimacy and the things that you fell in love with this person in the first place, and walk through this place of trying to get to know them and be open to that, which I think often these questions do lead to, this idea of well, wait a minute, why do you think that? Tell me more about that. So, then, it's starting a conversation that still might be silly or it might be deep.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And so you know, some of the questions are just I love, would you rathers To me they can be really funny and just fun. So we have a bunch of those in there, we have a bunch of deeper ones, but yeah, we broke it up into a couple of different sections.
Brad Aldrich:We did kind of like date questions that you could, because this is one of the complaints that we hear all the time is people go out actually be intentional, go out on a date and look at each other and they don't know what to talk about and they get through what they do in their day, they get through what's going on with their kids and then they just kind of lose steam. So we have a whole section on hey, let's do some questions that you can, at least you know, take one a week and it doesn't have to be done over a restaurant table, it can be done at home. You know, once a week, sending some time, kind of doing three or four questions that help you to grow together.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, for sure. So there's the mix in there, right, absolutely. For the times that you just want to do. You know, you guys just don't have anything specific to do. You're sitting outside enjoying each other's company and it's like, well, let's just do a couple questions right, and I just think it can be a light way for people to connect. That isn't serious, it isn't dealing with all the issues that you have in life, it's just connecting absolutely so.
Brad Aldrich:a couple examples. Kate loves, would you Rather I do?
Kate Aldrich:I love a good. Would you Rather, would you?
Brad Aldrich:rather take a hot air balloon ride or a helicopter tour together. Hmm.
Kate Aldrich:Hmm, I'd have to think about that, because probably hot air balloon, but I know it's really chilly when you do that. I don't really like being cold, but that seems like a lot more fun to me than a helicopter ride, although you also have to get up really early. I mean, let's be practical about these things. These are things I don't like being cold and being up really early. What would you choose?
Brad Aldrich:I would love to do both at some point. No, no, no no think it's a, would you rather I? I've never done a hot air balloon, right, I think I've. Actually, I've never done either of these, so I don't know what I'm saying I don't think I've ever been a helicopter either I kind of like the idea of the helicopter because you actually get to, like, you're usually touring somewhere, you're usually seeing something specific right Like. So I think I would do that, I would choose that.
Kate Aldrich:And there we have it. Total opposites Awesome. Well, that'll work, we'll work. That one out, guys.
Brad Aldrich:Would you rather be able to speak every language or play every musical instrument?
Kate Aldrich:Speak every language or play every musical instrument. Speak every language hardcore. I do not give a rip about playing musical instruments. Sorry, you like music I love music, it doesn't mean I have never once in my life thought I would produce it like it would come out of me.
Brad Aldrich:So I, I would say the same thing. I would love to be able to speak other languages, because then we could travel anywhere and be able to talk to anybody and we wouldn't look like dumb Americans. Right? No, that would be amazing, it would be great.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, that's an easy one.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah.
Kate Aldrich:Sorry.
Brad Aldrich:Sorry. If you could ask God one question and get an immediate answer, what would it be? Huh.
Kate Aldrich:Hmm, guys, there's so many options right there. Probably it would have to. I'd probably have to go with. What in the world did you create a mosquito for? Ooh see oh, that's a that's a good one the rest I'm gonna get answered in heaven. I just want to know why I am mercilessly plagued by those things. What are they for they? If I, if they have a purpose, maybe I can get on board, because brad always tells me, like what do you? You tell me eat some, but what is it always?
Brad Aldrich:oh, bats eat, they eat spiders and bugs, bats eat lots of mosquitoes, tons of them so, like whenever I don't like something, he's like.
Kate Aldrich:But here's its function and I'm like okay yes, I don't know what the mosquito's function is. I will agree with that. That's that. What's your question?
Brad Aldrich:what would I ask god um what? What today are we getting wrong in, and I mean in like gosh, now you have to go all goody goody no, no like in in I just want to know about the blood sucking in church or in in big c church. What do we? What are we missing? What are we getting wrong? I think that's where I would. I'm kind of afraid of the answer, feeling a little inadequate.
Kate Aldrich:now, Maybe if we just release a million mosquitoes in church we wouldn't have to worry about it. Everybody would not attend.
Brad Aldrich:They'd run away.
Kate Aldrich:Here we go. I know the answer to this one. Would you rather be a contestant on a couple's game show or take part in a cooking competition together?
Brad Aldrich:Ooh, we don't usually cook well together, so true. We both cook, and you cook really really well.
Kate Aldrich:Stop. He always says that because he doesn't want me to stop cooking.
Brad Aldrich:And I enjoy cooking, but we tend not to do it together that well. So I think I'm gonna choose the game show, because I think we could function much better. I thought he'd pick the cook together I think we'd function so much better on the Amazing Race together than we would on a cooking show.
Kate Aldrich:I didn't think of that, I just thought of the dating game or whatever. Yeah, I would much rather do a game show, depending.
Brad Aldrich:I'm not a big game person, so it would depend on what that was my hesitancy, because you don't really like the game aspect, but I like the dating.
Kate Aldrich:We've done the dating.
Brad Aldrich:Yeah, like like the game, but I like the dating.
Kate Aldrich:We've done the dating, yeah, like because that's information yeah, the newlywed game, that's yep, yep, yep, yep so um interesting let's see, oh, would you rather wear a cape or a crown? A cape oh, no way crown. This head was made for a crown.
Brad Aldrich:Heck. Yes, it was, but I think I will have the cape. Thank you very much.
Kate Aldrich:I'm channeling my QE too.
Brad Aldrich:Well, I think you can get some idea of and honestly, we're just doing more of the light questions, there are some also more emotional, deeper questions in there too that the idea really is to carve out some time to have 10 minutes, 15 minutes of conversation around just some getting to know you. I think, honestly, using that in a place of just trying to rekindle some of your conversation and rekindle some of that connection, I think really can be a helpful tool.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely Obviously we do. And you know it doesn't need to be like sterile and like, okay, we have to sit down every night and ask a question. I mean, if that's fun and you enjoy that, go for it. But you know it can just be something you do, you know, a couple of times a week or weekly or whatever, or when you feel like you need something, whether it's a deep question or a fun, silly question, that you can pull it out as a tool. Um, but a lot of times people get stuck in okay, what do we talk about? How, how do we connect? Okay, we've shared our day. That's about it like we've shared what the kids are doing. Yep, and yeah, we just think sometimes it's, it's good, right, and these things are created for, like, table time with your kids, like you see all kinds of resources for that.
Brad Aldrich:It's the same thing yeah, it's the same idea.
Kate Aldrich:It is yeah, and and the fact that we think we don't need it where we think we need to get our kids talking. Yeah, it's the same. Yeah, and so just remembering that like we need opportunities to talk and sometimes it needs to be fluffy.
Brad Aldrich:Absolutely, and sometimes it needs to be deep, so so you can find um the new book Questions for Couples on Amazon. I will put a link in the show notes. You can also find it on aldrichministriescom slash resources. There'll be a link there. We'd love you to check it out and let us know what you think.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, we're working on some potential other resources too, so keep an eye out for that.
Brad Aldrich:Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So really, our heart is that if you are feeling like roommates, do something about it, like do something to move back towards intimacy together, do something to stop that slide. Yeah. Because the slide's going to continue. Mm-hmm slide? Yeah, Because the slide's going to continue and if you're intentional, it is possible to day by day week by week slide back and slide back to that connected place. Yeah, for sure.
Brad Aldrich:So I hope that that's something that you can talk about, that you guys can look at and even grab the resource. We would love to hear what you think as you're trying to ask some questions of each other, to reconnect and grow in your intimacy.
Kate Aldrich:Yeah, absolutely.
Brad Aldrich:So I hope you enjoyed that. I hope some of that made you laugh and we will be back next week with more ways that you can continue to still become one together. Until next time, I'm Brad Aldrich.
Kate Aldrich:And I'm Kate Aldrich. Be kind and take care of each other.
Brad Aldrich:Still Becoming One is a production of Aldrich Ministries. For more information about Brad and Kate's coaching ministry courses and speaking opportunities, you can find us at aldrichministriescom. For podcast show notes and links to resources in all of our social media. Be sure to visit us at stillbecomingonecom and don't forget to like this episode wherever you get your podcasts, and be sure to follow us to continue your journey on still becoming one.