Still Becoming One
Still Becoming One
I Said “You Look Great” And Accidentally Started A Debate
A simple “You look great” shouldn’t start a debate, yet so many couples know that sting. We unpack the common loop where one partner stops praising because the other deflects. Diving into why compliments bounce off, how cultural messages tangle with personal story, and what it takes to make affirmation actually land. Instead of withdrawing, we offer a better path
Welcome to the Still Becoming One podcast. We are Brad and Kate.
SPEAKER_04:In our more than 20 years of marriage, we've survived both dark times and experienced restoration.
SPEAKER_01:Now, as a licensed marriage counselor and relationship coaches, we help couples to regain hope and joy.
SPEAKER_04:We invite you to journey with us as we are still becoming one.
SPEAKER_02:Let's start the conversation. Hello everyone. Welcome back.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome back.
SPEAKER_02:What's your like new thing?
SPEAKER_04:I got it. Every season I oh wait, and I sound like somebody I don't know who. Somebody that we had to explore, but every season I, you know, gotta change it up. Gotta have a new thing. I mean, it's me. When the kids call, I'm always like, uh.
SPEAKER_02:That's that's right.
SPEAKER_04:Welcome to my life.
SPEAKER_02:I just want to say, you look gorgeous this morning.
SPEAKER_04:Aw, thanks. I see where that's going. Now I'm like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I need to put my I need to put my phone on a focus here.
SPEAKER_02:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04:I like that Apple named it focus because that feels like that's do not disturb.
SPEAKER_00:I I do think you look beautiful this morning. And it's been a heck of a week.
SPEAKER_04:It has been. It's been uh, yeah, like not Monday through Friday, just since last Thursday.
SPEAKER_02:It's been a lot, yeah. So um yeah.
SPEAKER_04:We we yeah, we did our first Allender weekend for NFTC2, um, starting Thursday through Sunday. So that was amazing and at the same time and heavy and oh, I was gonna say like amazing and like a wrecking ball.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's what I mean by intense and heavy. Like you can't go through that without it pulling up some of your own emotions and your own That's the point, isn't it?
SPEAKER_04:Like, but it's like well, actually, I still go back and chuckle to the one video we had to watch preemptively before the weekend where Dan Eller says started with you might want to ask yourself, what the heck have I gotten myself into? And I'm like, that's resonating. It was resonating before, it's definitely resonating in the middle and after the first weekend.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I can feel that. And you know, they take this philosophy, which I agree that you can only take people as far as you've gone yourself. Yeah. So then obviously in these training times, they take an opportunity to go there and kind of bring you to that place of you need you need to work on this stuff. And so it's highlighting your own things, it's highlighting your own uh, you know, story and insecurities and and woundedness and all of that, which is awesome, but it is also heavy.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, I find myself telling my clients all the time is you know, when we're doing good work in a session, there is a place that it's like going to the gym. It's you're using your muscles, your body, your mind, and you are tired. Absolutely. And you should be wrung out, right? And you know, uh obviously I would say if you're going to coaching or therapy and that's never happening, maybe there's some things to look at. If it's happening every week, maybe there's some things to look at too, right? Like sure, it shouldn't be that all the time, but uh it can be really heavy, and that's exactly kind of how I felt the beginning of this week after going through all of that is like oh so, and then we had a crazy week with things happening and multiple home repairs, home repairs, and so fun. Literally two repair people at the house at the exact same time. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me, this is you know crazy.
SPEAKER_04:So it just is, it was it was, but we did it well, and yeah, I think we did it well, yeah, much better than we used to. Um, and yeah, the NFTC, like it is it is supposed to bring up things, and I think there's the anticipation that it will. But do we ever truly like know what that will be? And maybe we have some inklings, but like it um, I don't know about you, but it's still expected and shocking all at the same time.
SPEAKER_02:Uh absolutely, absolutely, like it it is one barometer to go, you know, oh, where did emotion show up? And I think when you're doing this kind of hard work, sometimes it shows up in surprising places. And you know, there was I was expecting. I mean, one of the things that this level brings in is they want to critique how you lead other people, which Kate and I lead people in story works. Or facilitate facilitate, right? So we wanted that kind of level. So I think I had thought a lot about that of like how am I going to handle being critiqued? How like those kind of things. I didn't have any emotion specifically around that. Like it was great feedback, it was really positive to look at some things, you know. Oh, yeah, I mean, there's stuff that we have to learn, uh, you know, all that kind of stuff, but I didn't have any strange any emotion necessarily pop up around that. There was there was one place in one of in one of my groups and sharing some things about me that I'm like, oh wait, wow, there that emotion just came out of nowhere. What what is that? Like, you know, and yeah, then it's it is that kind of curious space of like, okay, man, I'm what am I holding?
SPEAKER_04:Sure. Yeah, exactly. And I know for me that's not always an easy untangle. And I like right, it takes it takes some time, some reflection, some wrestling. Yeah, like all that kind of stuff. And um, I definitely found that happening for me as well. And so it's all good stuff, it's just all exhausting, and yeah. So we had a little bit of a break. We'll we'll be doing that again in December.
SPEAKER_02:So well, but we got work to do between now and December, too.
SPEAKER_04:You you always say that. Let's let's just spend a moment there. You always say that like my dad, like I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_02:It's it's more honestly me because of my ADHD, I can procrastinate. And if I don't remind myself, I would literally be the one like a week before going, Oh my gosh, I have all this stuff to do. It it is totally me reminding myself.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, so I'm wondering like how much is actually procrastination? And I know for me, how much is just life is coming up, and there are regular things to do in your life, and I certainly don't live in the space of school anymore.
SPEAKER_02:So, like, I I don't know, maybe maybe that's only for me, but it feels like it is yeah, it is clearly more than procrastination, right? It is um, there's a million other things, and and honestly, I think some of the reason I say it is because I don't live in the world of school right now, so it's kind of way down the the to-do list. Um and because of that, it's one of those things in my kind of ADHD brain of out of sight, out of mind.
SPEAKER_04:Gotcha. Gotcha.
SPEAKER_02:Almost just doesn't exist. And then like then it's like, oh my gosh, there it is, and now I have to do it right away, and I, you know, don't take the time to do as well as I want to, or something like that. That's my my fear.
SPEAKER_03:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:It doesn't feel like I can procrastinate, I can definitely procrastinate, but that feels very different than this um for me.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. So gotcha. Well, yeah, okay. So we have work in between. Yes, we do, dad. But we but we um yeah, our next group, our teaching time and group session isn't until December. So I feel a little bit of space and I yeah, it hasn't even been a full week, and so I definitely am not plunging into that yet. Although the next assignment is out, and I'm like, okay, like what story do I want to work? Yeah, do I want to work through what that is definitely on my mind? So so that's kind of what we've been doing for the past week. It's been busy, it's been heavy.
SPEAKER_02:It has, it has.
SPEAKER_04:So that's us, and and continuing to just figure out um empty nesting. It's fun, it's fun. I think it's fun.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's yeah, it's been different and good, and you know, it's just a different pace and schedule, and yeah, yeah, for sure kind of thing. So it was fun to have Lily on last last week and have been able to kind of chat with her and um you know, talk a little bit about what her experience was growing up in a marriage positive house. So that was that was kind of fun.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. So for sure.
SPEAKER_02:So one of the things we wanted to talk about today is a dynamic that I think I hear when I'm working with guys who get honest about this frustration. And I think it's also a really important dynamic in relationships about this idea of finding your spouse attractive, but even more so telling them you finding your spouse attractive.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And one of the things I hear from guys is a way oversimplification of I've stopped telling my wife that because every time I tell my wife, oh, I think you look nice today, what I get back is no, I don't.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And so then they're going, I don't know what to do because my wife says I don't ever tell her, and she's right, I don't tell her anymore because every time I told her, she argues with me.
SPEAKER_04:She doesn't receive it. Right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, she's not receiving it. She she is disagreeing with the guy's interpretation. So I wanted to ask, what do you what is that about? What happens there?
SPEAKER_04:And I see why you started with a compliment, sir.
SPEAKER_02:You are beautiful and I find you absolutely beautiful.
SPEAKER_04:Same but with guy words. Um, but I think honestly, because we're, you know, we're so story work-minded, I would encourage curiosity first. Like I know that's probably not necessarily where you want to go, but curiosity of what's created that, yeah, right? Because I don't think any woman or person in general, because this can happen with um opposite genders or whatever, it happens to men sometimes as well. Like, what has created that inability to receive that?
SPEAKER_02:Because understanding that I think is going to give you the information that will be helpful more than just right, like just going on that is stopping her from being able to receive the compliment.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, there is story there.
SPEAKER_02:So it's not that she doesn't actually believe her husband finds her attractive, that there's something else going on.
SPEAKER_04:Well, not necessarily. Like she may not be able to re to believe it because of you know what's what what's there. And I think for women in the United States, and we talk about this, the larger story implications are the culture we grow up in of models, expectations, what you should look like, which you know, how much of the population actually looks like what the world, well, not the world, excuse me, the United States defines as beautiful, right, attractive, fit, all of these things. Like we have to honor that you both grew up in that world, but how it is portrayed and sold and expected of women currently is very different than how it's portrayed, sold, and expected for men.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:Though I I want to honor some men do end up having similar experiences with that, but for the majority, every woman goes through it, yeah, unless you live in a hole.
SPEAKER_02:So your your meaning, and I and I just want to bring this in, that you're feeling like this is more of a self-identity story, a what they think about themselves story than necessarily a relationship issue.
SPEAKER_04:Hmm. That's a great question. I'm not sure I can answer that because I think it's very individual as art is story. Like we can look at the larger culture story, but then how did it integrate into your family? Like were your parents, did your parents um like how did they handle things like that? Did they talk about you? Did they objectify you? Did they expect things of you? Like, or was it a very positive affirming, like you're beautiful because you're you? Like it's hard to know how it played out within your smaller community and family, because I do find this is one that we do hear a lot more stories of peers. Yeah, right? Like you as again, even if you end up being homeschooled or something, it still ends up getting to you. Of course it does. It trickles in somehow because you're not, again, you're not shut off from the world. Um, but especially people in public school settings and even private school settings, like the stories are much more prevalent.
SPEAKER_02:Right. In in adolescence, we start to define ourselves by how the group feels about us. So it is a huge shift, and those things are mech mostly external. Yeah. Um, so yeah, the the peer group has a huge influence on self-image and those kind of things. If I know when I'm working with a guy that talks about that, one of the things I encourage them is to persist through, maybe is the best word. Like don't stop telling your wife what you actually think. Like, I'm saying be genuine, but don't stop just because she does that pushback. I'm curious how yeah, what you would say about that.
SPEAKER_04:Um, I I think that's wise, right? Like we I think that's wise. Like you want your spouse to know that you value them, that you find them attractive. I think it's important, even if it's hard for them to receive, right? Because there's already a message going on in there that makes it hard for it to receive.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_04:And desperately all of us want to believe our spouse finds us attractive.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_04:All like in in all those words and all those ways. So removing it is probably playing out the story, like, right? So, like, and I know we're using a lot of story lingo here, but it's true. I also honor that just because you're saying it doesn't mean it's necessarily getting in there, like sinking in kind of thing. And I know that that could be really frustrating for a spouse trying to communicate that and feeling like it just is not, it's not getting in.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and I think most of the guys that I've heard this from actually it's it's more than not getting in because I think the passive, oh no, I'm not, you're just saying that and moving on, it's fine. And I think guys would naturally kind of just keep going. I think the the thing that sometimes happens is it becomes almost a bigger argument of like now. We're talking about attractiveness, and now we're talking about, well, there's all these other people, and you think about this person, and like it becomes this whole huge thing that is very different, and I think that's what scares guys off of even knowing how to how to say something. Now, I don't think that's okay, and I think there's some of the guys part in that.
SPEAKER_04:And you know, I I think sometimes you're hoping for an easy answer from me, and I never seem to give them, but I I also feel like there's there's truth in that, and that has become part of our culture as well. That it and it I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't sound bad because I don't want guys to feel like they're the the problem, but we also have cultivated a society where checking out girls and rating them in their attractiveness or whatever words you want to use is very much normal guy adolescence, but carries into adulthood and sometimes for the rest of their lives that that's just a really normal thing. Interestingly enough, I was talking to a client about this recently, and I think, you know, there's a very big difference, and uh, and we're we've I think in the marriage world tried to define this, tried to give it words. Like there's a very big difference between someone catching your eye and hovering there for a moment because, like, for whatever reason it caught our attention. It's attractive. Like you walk by a really cool car you thought was cool. Um, you walk by uh and saw some flowers, and you're like, wow, right? And moving on, and that becoming our world, and we do that all the time, and we stay there longer than we should, kind of thing. And that can happen on both both genders. I'm not saying this is exclusive, but I do think it's taught and accepted with guys, and some of it is natural with adolescents. Like we are starting to recognize um our sexuality and what that what all of that stirring up in us means. Like this is a deeper topic than people think.
SPEAKER_02:And I think that's somewhat the point of it. Is not just I think you're, oh, I think you look nice, no, I don't. And there, it's just that surface level. It is a deeper topic. I'm sitting here chuckling because I'm thinking I am not a car guy, but I know car guys, and I know there are car guys who would be like, you know, call their buddy and go, oh, I saw this 69 Corvette, or you know, I want to tell you about and right like they would try and snap pictures of the car. Like, we don't mean that. Like, that's not a good way of recognizing beauty.
SPEAKER_04:Well, but okay, well, but I think your example is is a could fit. I don't know, I feel like some analogies never quite fit, but like yes, that's acceptable with cars, right? I'm not saying it's not, but most people like something catches your eye, we move on fairly quickly.
SPEAKER_02:Correct, correct. And I think that's the idea.
SPEAKER_04:That's a very normal response. Like, we are like, yes, but we also have to question and ask ourselves and be curious what shaped that, what's beautiful for you.
SPEAKER_02:I agree. I think we do have to question that. I have taught against, to some extent, taught against the very purity culture thing of bouncing, you just need to bounce your eyes, right? That that guys do, because I do think that has dehumanized a lot of women, and without even them recognizing it necessarily, knowing it. And essentially what it's doing is objectifying the person, right? And going, oh wow, that person's really beautiful. I can't look at them anymore, and then like bound, you know, I like kind of idea, which is so unhealthy. And I especially it's unhealthy when it's a person, an actual physical person in front of you, right? It that's that's when I talk about it.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Is and you know, this hit me, it was a long time ago. I was working with a pastor who was telling me that that was his way of dealing with people in his congregation who he felt were dressed inappropriately, and all I could just feel was this place of you've got to be kidding me. There's a whole ton of women who feel like you can't even see them, all you see is their physical form, not them. Right, right, and that's just so dehumanizing, and I I I dislike so I agree. We do have to be cautious of our when does looking become lust.
SPEAKER_04:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you know, I think we could debate that topic for a really, really long time, and I think absolutely every guy knows when. Right? There there is a line that gets crossed, and guys know when it is. And could we define it? It's really hard to, but it you know.
SPEAKER_04:But you know it's when it you know it when it's there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04:But and you know, everything you're saying is also part of it's embodied in story, like that woman at church who's dressing in a what you define as inappropriately, you're actually playing out the story, right? She's dressing inappropriately, or or maybe not, maybe it's not inappropriate, right? Because we tend to, yeah, church tends to define that in some really weird crappy ways. Um, but then you aren't able to see her. She you're playing it out again, I would imagine. I mean, I don't know. I haven't talked to that woman, but like we're actually playing it out again. She is being unseen, right? And so, um, and I just think, yeah, it's just it's not this simple. Um, I think there are all kinds of messages uh sold to young girls and young boys about what you can expect from your life and marriage, and that is wrapped in attraction. Like, and I do think guys are kind of sold this with this super saturation that every one of you will marry some quote unquote hot woman. But that's not I did. Oh, okay. Uh but I actually I want to Yeah, but we've worked really hard to which we always talk about in attractiveness. Worked hard sounds bad. We have been intentional about, but that's that's probably the last half of our marriage of trying to define each other as the def definition of attraction. Attraction, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And this is one of the things I do say all the time that we need to keep working on and a relationship is our definition, our model of attraction is moldable. It changes over our lifetime, and I'm so glad it does. We can rewrite those pathways when we need to, right? And everyone does because the things that you started feeling were attractive when you were 12 no longer are the same definition of attraction that you have as an adult, right? And we're really glad for that.
SPEAKER_03:I have some really curious questions about that. We'll move on though, right?
SPEAKER_02:But that and that's the thing, like they they do get shaped, they do get changed, and it is up to us to go. My wife is my definition of attraction, right? And then using that as the ruler that you judge everybody else by exactly and they don't meet it, and it's okay because I have the attraction one at home, right? And I think it's that place of continually working on your own part of that, but to bring this back to the relationship side, I like I think there are a lot of couples who have just stopped telling each other any of it. And it's this interesting dance between an expectation that you tell me every day and a it never happens, and we never take the time to actually notice and enjoy and look at our spouse. That's that is a tough couple dance, I think, for a lot of couples.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I don't know. Most of us live somewhere in the middle, although I hear sadly of a lot of couples living on the one end. Yeah. And I am just curious, like what yeah, what has what has led to that? What um yeah, I don't know. I think it's it's it's something we have to reflect on. And you know, you and I have had open, honest conversations about this, but every spouse wants to be found attractive by their like wants to feel like their spouse is attracted to them. I think that's super normal. But I also think spouses don't want to feel like, oh yeah, I find you attractive, but honestly, I find that way more attractive, right? Like that I think for a lot of women, and again, we always want to be cautious about stereotyping, but I think that's the fear. Right. Okay, you might be telling me the truth, you find me attractive, but you find someone else way more attractive. Someone, someone, you know, who knows? It could be someone in your community, it could be someone we see on TV or whatever. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Like I I totally agree with you. We don't want that to be there.
SPEAKER_04:Well, let me let me ask. Do you feel like I feel that's a struggle for women? I don't think men have that similar struggle.
SPEAKER_02:Um, I think they can for sure, if it feels like a woman is looking elsewhere. Is a wife, yeah, a spouse. So I think it can be. I I think the bigger struggle is and I know guys come by this reputation honestly, right? That, oh, they're always looking at the other person. But I know a lot of guys who are like, no, I am committed to my wife. I'm not looking anywhere else. I don't I'm not having these outside influences but she is constantly comparing herself to the person down the road or the person on TV or the the whatever and blaming me of no, you find this person more attractive. And it's like, wait a minute, I I didn't bring that up. You're bringing that up.
SPEAKER_04:Sure. Well, actually her story is bringing that up.
SPEAKER_02:Very true.
SPEAKER_04:Right? And that's not an invalidation or an excuse. But it is a curiosity, and it is like, hmm, where does that come from? Right. And like even encouraging a husband who sees that happening to, you know, kindly say that. Like, where does that come from? Because that's not me.
SPEAKER_02:I love that answer.
SPEAKER_04:But I honor it, it seems real to you. Like, right? Instead of the the indignant or because your story's interacting with it, right? Like, but just like it seems so real that you believe that. But I I want you to know that I genuinely don't think that, but it's coming up. So where's it coming from?
SPEAKER_02:I love that answer. I think they're that place of being willing and able to hold her resistance. So not just say, No, you're wrong. Or to just walk away, just walk away and ignore or frustrated or but to hold on to that and to lovingly say, I uh what I'm telling you is real. I would love you to believe that, but I recognize it's hard.
SPEAKER_04:Do you let's just you know hash this out here in front of people? Great. Do you when I because I tend to compliment you a lot? Do you have trouble receiving it?
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. I and I think most guys have some trouble receiving it too. Like, I don't want to put this only on women. I think men do. I think men, I will just speak for myself. I think it is less a comparison to or a fear of you're looking at somebody else or any of those kind of things, or I think you think that person's more attractive. It's none of that. For me that must be so nice. I know. I I'm sure. But I for me, it is more a I may not be where I want to be in that area, that place, that you know, how I look. And so it's bringing up the I don't feel good about it, so why do you?
SPEAKER_04:Gotcha. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. But where does that where I want to be definition come from?
SPEAKER_02:We're gonna do story work right here because you know exactly where it comes from in my story.
SPEAKER_04:Because your parents were such pushers of um like regular exercise.
SPEAKER_02:Is that what you're it it's it's that it's also a and your mom was a nurse and that overall health message that I I get into, like my brain, when you say, you know, something looks good or something like that, my brain often is in this place of, yeah, but I'm still not healthy, kind of thing. I'm like, you know, and I know that is directly from my story. And so I disregard it based on those messages that I've heard for and internalized for years. Yeah. Right. So and I think that's not any different than where what you're talking about in where would you no?
SPEAKER_04:I think it's just yeah, I think it's just it's a little bit differently nuanced, and and I think about, and if I can say this respectfully, like your your family, your parents, like they said that, but then there was this push on physical health. Sure. But mental health didn't matter. No, no, it's not didn't matter. I don't feel that's fair. I feel like it was there was a lot of fear around it, so we just didn't enter into those discussions, and then yet those things were um present. Uh I yeah, I don't know how to say that in an honoring way, but like the there was a big piece missing.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. I will say, like, when you compliment something that maybe at a time I was insecure about that is not health related, there's still that kind of wrestle, but it is easier for me to slow down and accept because it's not part of my story.
SPEAKER_04:I'm sitting here thinking, do you have an example? Okay, good, because I'm like, I don't even know what that means.
SPEAKER_02:Like I was losing my hair for a long time.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02:It's not health related, it's genetic related, right? And are you sure? And yeah, hell um, and eventually, like I think several times during that process, I just told you, like, you have to tell me when it's when I need to just shave it all off. And we eventually got there. I I'm not sure if it I think it was both of us. We're like, yeah, okay, let's just try and shave it all off. And you know, so there's no like health-related thing here. I think then when you telling me that you like the way I look that way, that you like those kind of things hits very different.
SPEAKER_06:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And I can still feel that, like, oh, but but I think over time, as you've told me, then it's easier for me to go, no, okay. I I I like the way I look now.
SPEAKER_04:You're very distinguished. And I think that also like we've come so far from when your dad was a young gentleman losing his hair, like sure there weren't a lot of options. The comb over was the only acceptable option, right? And and I feel for that generation because it it we are shaped by what the culture says is okay. And right, and and now I do think some people actually shave their heads because they prefer the look.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Um, and so it is I am thankful for y'all out there that there is a an answer though, for you that is now people are like, okay, like that is just what it what it is, you know. And and I know some people get gray hair really young.
SPEAKER_03:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:Like there's all kinds of things that we can't necessarily well, we could change if we choose to, but you know, and okay, I got you on that. That kind of makes sense. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I think the big message from all of this is just attraction, beauty, self-image. All of those things tap so easily into our stories of how we feel about ourselves.
SPEAKER_04:So easily, but so deeply often, right? And we think it's very surface level because it's cultural, right? Yes, that's true, but I don't know a woman who doesn't have stories around her body, regardless of what she looks like, and if she would be defined as the world's version of beautiful. Like I tend to say that because that's I think it's crap, but it is true. Yet, or I the United States version of what's beautiful, right? But it is wild deeply embedded in so much other stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Which is why you do such an amazing work with women around stories of their body image. And I think it's just such a really important part of story work that you've been doing.
SPEAKER_04:And and we do spend a lot of time there, but I want to honor it's challenging because it's the same reason I say doing story work with teenagers is a bit of a challenge. I've done it sometimes because I love teenagers, is one of my favorite categories of people, um, if that's a way to say it. But um, it's hard to do story work because they're still very much living in it, right? And so I think what's challenging about body image story work, self-esteem, all of these things, we're still living in it.
SPEAKER_02:It's very present, right?
SPEAKER_04:You can't, and and maybe with your spouse, and hopefully they can come into understanding the story and hold it well with you, but they're still right. Again, you're not living in a hole, so you can't take out how culture continues to impact it. And so it is a challenging one to work through because we're never quite done with it. Yeah, unfortunately. And then you add to it, our bodies are come always changing due to age, due to many other factors. And so it is a it is uh a one we have to continually enter into, which is hard for people.
SPEAKER_02:It's good, and this is such an important discussion for couples to do as they're aging, as they're walking through life together.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I hope that you can maybe use this podcast as a way of having this conversation and keep growing together.
SPEAKER_04:And if it if it gets tricky and whatnot, I would say like find someone to talk to about it who's storywork-minded. Of course, you can contact All Church Ministries. Shameless little plug there. But uh, but there are other people too, because I think if sometimes it's a little hard to untangle, and if someone helps you untangle, then you can enter into those conversations very differently.
SPEAKER_02:Very true.
SPEAKER_04:Very true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, we hope to hear from you. You can always contact us with questions or thoughts. You can reach out to us at help at stillbecoming one dot com. Um, you can also follow us on Instagram, um, or we're starting to post some more there too. So that's at Still Becoming One on Instagram as well. And we hope to see you next week as we keep exploring what it means to become one together. Till next time, I'm Brad Aldrich.
SPEAKER_04:And I'm Kate Aldrich. Be kind and take care of each other.
SPEAKER_01:Still Becoming One is a production of Aldrich Ministries. For more information about Brad and Kate's coaching ministry, courses, and speaking opportunities, you can find us at Aldridge Ministries.com. For podcast show notes and links to resources in all of our social media. Be sure to visit us at stillbecoming one.com. And don't forget to like this episode wherever you get your podcasts. And be sure to follow us to continue your journey on Still Becoming One.